Every year the Wright family drove to Grandma Ruth's farmhouse on the Saturday before Christmas, and every year Uncle Dale right away announced that this would be the year he left early. Nobody believed him. He had never left early in his life.
This year the Wrights were running late. Mom had left the pie on the counter, so they turned right around, drove back, and grabbed it. Dad said it was the right call. Mom said it was the only call, and that if he had left the pie she'd have left him on the porch.
At Grandma Ruth's, the gifts were already piled by the fireplace, and the cousins were sitting in a circle with nothing left to do but wait. Grandma Ruth came in with cocoa and said, "Right, everybody, before anybody opens anything, I need to know who brought the box that's ticking."
Cousin Teddy, who sat on the far left, put his hand up. "It's a clock," he said. "It's supposed to tick." Grandma Ruth said that was the right answer and the wrong gift, and sat down on the right side of the sofa, where the springs still worked.
Then the dog got loose. Biscuit came tearing through the kitchen, turned left at the tree, turned right at the piano, and came to a stop with his front paws in the pile. Uncle Dale said that was it, he was leaving. He went left toward the door, remembered the pie, and came right back.
By now there was only one slice of pie left. Mom said it was rightfully Grandma's. Grandma said she'd had two already, which was her right as the oldest person in the room, and that whoever was sitting on her left could have it. That was Teddy. Teddy said it was the best thing to happen to him since he left the house that morning, which wasn't saying much, because he'd left his coat in the car.
Finally Grandma Ruth stood up. "Right," she said. "The gift you're holding now is the gift you take home. Whatever's left under the tree goes to the dog." And Biscuit, who knew a good deal when he heard one, lay down right on top of the pile, and nobody had the heart to move him.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night: the right people, the leftovers, and the dog.